Myth-Busting FAQ – School Refusal / EBSA

This page addresses common myths about School Refusal (also known as School Phobia and Emotional-Based School Avoidance) and explains what is actually happening for children and families.

Myth 1: "It’s just bad behaviour or defiance."

Not true. School Refusal is an anxiety-driven response, not a behaviour choice. Children often want to go to school but feel unable to because of overwhelming fear and distress.

Myth 2: "The child just needs firmer boundaries."

Incorrect. Increasing pressure usually increases anxiety. School Refusal responds best to safety, understanding and reduced demands – not punishment or stricter rules.

Myth 3: "Parents are causing the problem."

No. Parents are usually doing everything they can and are often exhausted and worried. Anxiety is internal to the child – it is not created by “weak” parenting.

Myth 4: "The child seems fine at home, so it must be attention-seeking."

Wrong. Many children mask their distress at school and only release it when they feel safe at home. This is especially common in autistic and neurodivergent children.

Myth 5: "If they’re well enough for a screen, they’re well enough for school."

False. Screens can be calming, predictable and feel safe. School is busy, unpredictable and demanding. Enjoying a screen does not mean a child can cope with the stress of school.

Myth 6: "It’s truancy."

Incorrect. Truancy is deliberate absence without parental knowledge. School Refusal is involuntary, fear-based and usually happens with parents fully aware and distressed themselves.

Myth 7: "The child is manipulating their parents."

No. Children experiencing School Refusal often feel frightened, ashamed and overwhelmed. They are trying to feel safe, not trying to control adults.

Myth 8: "It will get better if we push them harder."

The opposite is usually true. Pressure can cause panic attacks, shutdowns and long-term avoidance. Gentle, supported reintegration at the child’s pace is much more effective.

Myth 9: "Attendance fines will fix it."

Incorrect. Fines do not treat anxiety, trauma, sensory needs or mental health. They can increase stress for the whole family and rarely improve attendance where School Refusal is present.

Myth 10: "There’s nothing the school can do; it’s up to the parents."

Not true. Schools have legal duties to identify needs, make reasonable adjustments and work collaboratively with families. School Refusal is a shared responsibility involving education, health and (where needed) the Local Authority.

Myth 11: "They’ll fall irreparably behind if they’re not in every day."

Not necessarily. Children learn best when they feel safe. Short-term reductions in attendance, paired with good emotional support and flexible learning, often lead to better long-term outcomes.

Myth 12: "It’s just a phase – they’ll grow out of it."

No. Without understanding and support, School Refusal can become entrenched. Early, compassionate intervention makes recovery much more likely.

FAQs

SRSS – Frequently Asked Questions

These are real questions asked by parents and carers supporting children experiencing School Refusal / EBSA. Each answer is written to provide clear, trauma‑informed guidance to help you feel heard, reassured and supported.

My child keeps saying they have tummy ache but the doctor says nothing is wrong. What does this mean?

Young children often cannot describe anxiety, so they describe the physical sensations instead. Anxiety commonly causes stomach pain, nausea, butterflies, headaches, shaking and needing the toilet. These symptoms are real, even when caused by emotional distress. Children find it easier to say "my tummy hurts" than "I feel overwhelmed and worried". Drawing, toys and picture aids can help them explain how they feel.

My child won’t go to school. I think they’re staying up late watching TV or gaming. Should I punish them?

No. Screens often provide temporary relief from anxiety. When children feel overwhelmed, they may stay up late to delay the next school day or use screens as a calming distraction. Removing devices usually increases anxiety, making mornings harder. Focus instead on understanding their fears, talking to the school and using the SRSS letters for support.

My child is too distressed to continue trying to get to school. What now?

If your child is medically or emotionally too unwell to attend school, you have options:

1. Authorised illness – Use SRSS Letter 6 to request support under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996.
2. Home Education (EHE) – Some parents deregister temporarily or long‑term. This is a parental choice and does not require permission.

Schools and Local Authorities must work with you when attendance is not possible due to health needs.

My child has awful physical symptoms but no one is helping us. Why?

Anxiety can cause a wide range of genuine physical symptoms including: stomach pain, migraines, vomiting, diarrhoea, dizziness, fainting, breathlessness, shaking, sensory overload, shutdowns and panic attacks. These are part of the body's fear response. The symptoms are real, even if tests show no physical illness. Your child needs emotional support, not dismissal.

Why does anxiety cause physical symptoms?

When a child feels overwhelmed, their brain activates the fight‑or‑flight response. This increases adrenaline, heart rate, stomach

tension and sensory alertness. This is common in children with anxiety, autism, trauma histories or sensory needs. They are not "putting it on" – their body is reacting to stress.

What is the treatment for School Refusal / School Phobia / EBSA?

Effective support usually includes:

• Desensitisation – Gradual exposure at the child’s pace.
• CAMHS / CYPS – Anxiety management, regulation tools, CBT or trauma support (waiting times may vary).
• School support – Reasonable adjustments, safe spaces, reduced demands, SENCO involvement and a gentle reintegration plan.

SRSS letters help request this.

Can teaching staff stop my child from using the toilet?

Generally no.

Denying toilet access can be a safeguarding concern and may be discriminatory if a child has medical, sensory or anxiety‑related needs. If your child needs unrestricted access, request a toilet pass and ensure the school provides clear, safe and unlocked facilities.

Can CAMHS help with School Refusal?

Yes.

CAMHS can support children with anxiety, but waiting times can be long. While waiting, parents can use SRSS tools, request school adjustments, contact MHST if available and ask the GP for additional guidance. Early support from school is crucial while awaiting clinical involvement.

Can School Refusal be overcome?

Yes.

With the right support, children can rebuild confidence, learn anxiety‑management skills and re‑engage with education (in school, EOTAS or home education). Some children will always experience underlying anxiety, especially if neurodivergent, but they can learn to manage it with the right strategies.

How can I help my child with School Refusal?

Support your child by staying calm, validating their feelings, using gentle questions, creating predictable routines and reducing morning pressure. Ask the school for adjustments, involve the SENCO and use SRSS letters. Young children often say "tummy ache" because that is where they feel anxiety first. Visit the “Explaining Anxiety” page for child‑friendly tools.

School Refusal Support Services
www.schoolrefusal.online