Parents' Guidance



This page is here to support you if your child is struggling to attend school due to anxiety or emotional distress. You are not alone, and your child is not being difficult. School Refusal is a recognised mental health difficulty, and with the right support, things can improve.

Understanding School Refusal


School Refusal (sometimes called Emotional-Based School Avoidance) is not the same as truancy. Children who experience School Refusal want to attend school, but the level of anxiety is so intense that they physically or emotionally cannot do it.


Common signs include:

  • Morning panic or meltdowns before school
  • Physical symptoms (nausea, stomach aches, shaking, headaches)
  • Crying, freezing, hiding or refusing to leave the house
  • Exhaustion, sleep problems, or high distress levels
  • Fear of being separated from a parent


Your child is not doing this on purpose. Their body is responding to fear. Understanding this is the first step toward helping them.

What You Can Do as a Parent


There are gentle, supportive steps you can take to help your child feel safer and understood.


Helpful things you can try:

  • Stay calm, supportive and predictable
  • Avoid pressure or punishment – these increase anxiety
  • Validate your child’s feelings (“I can see this is really hard for you”)
  • Contact your GP to record concerns and ask for support
  • Speak with school about adjustments or reduced pressure
  • Use one SRSS letter at a time to communicate clearly



When to Use the SRSS Letters


The SRSS Letter Pack helps you communicate clearly with the school and access the right support. Each letter has a specific purpose.


Examples:

  • Letter 1: Telling the school your child is struggling
  • Letter 2: Asking the school to recognise mental health needs
  • Letter 3: When you receive attendance threats
  • Letter 6: When your child is too unwell to attend and needs Section 19 support
  • Letter 8: Requesting reasonable adjustments
  • Letter 9: Requesting an EHCP assessment
  • Letter 11: Correcting attendance codes
  • Letter 14: Requesting a mental health safety plan
  • Letter 15: Deregistering as a last resort


How to Talk to School


Schools vary in their understanding of School Refusal. Clear communication can help.

Tips:

  • Keep your communication factual and calm
  • Use the word anxiety instead of “won’t go in”
  • Explain physical symptoms your child experiences
  • Ask for a meeting with the SENCO
  • Take someone with you if meetings are stressful


When to Escalate


If the school is not listening, dismissing you, or using pressure-based approaches, it may be time to escalate.

  • Letter 4: escalate to senior leadership
  • Letter 5: formal complaint
  • Letter 6: request Local Authority intervention


You don’t have to go straight to escalation, but the letters help if things become overwhelming.


Looking After Yourself

Supporting a child with School Refusal is emotionally exhausting. Your wellbeing matters too.


You are allowed to:

  • Ask for help
  • Take breaks when your child is calm
  • Say “I don’t know what to do”
  • Feel upset, overwhelmed or confused


SRSS is here to help you find the right steps forward.